Stewart Lee and Richard Herring as Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby.
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A Softer World x Lee and Herring / AIOTM remixes. Because what could be a more productive use of a morning.
I hate that question.
this exists and is, er, extraordinary, so i decided to also post my deep and profound re-imaginings of the greek pantheon in the modern age
- apollo turning women into lampposts when they reject his unwanted sexual advances, trees are so 5th century bc
- poseidon chilling in the bermuda triangle surrounded by downed planes
- aphrodite scrolling through ace blogs to find out who to curse with a horrible violent death next
- ares carving the nuclear codes into mt rushmore using some machinery he stole while beating up hephaestus
- hermes convinces some dude to leak artemis’ nude snapchats and artemis rips the dude apart and murders his entire family and reduces his apartment building to rubble forever
- hera creatively cursing every girl who follows zeus on instagram. oh your username’s stylinson4eva? now you’ve got immortality without eternal youth and the only words that will ever come out of your increasingly wrinkled and pain-filled mouth are “fuck management”
- zeus presumably is still just a shapeshifting serial rapist, i dunno man
- dionysus forcing a gram of coke on you in the club toilets and then making you eat raw all the roadkill you create as you drunk-drive home
- gods that aren’t bizarrely defanged and completely misinterpreted as, like, not being total assholes
"In a small town like this it’s in your blood, you gotta either choose jesus or choose hell. You got your choice, and there’s not a whole lot in between. I guess you got your choice between grief and nothing, you’ll take grief. You know you’re alive when you’re sad. Otherwise how do you know you’re alive."
Jim White, Searching for the Wrong Eyed Jesus
last person that
slept in your bed besides you? postcard, I think.
saw you cry? the headmaster at the school where I work - cringe
you went to the movies with? Mum, probably. Or my mate Sam.
you went out to dinner with? proper deliberate dinner, rather than post canvass pub? My ex.
you talked on the phone to? Mum on her way home.
made you laugh? postcard.
would you rather
pierce your nose or your tongue? nose, but neither.
be serious or be funny? irony, babes.
drink whole or skimmed milk? WHOLE. BLUE MILK IS KING.
die in a fire or drowning? drown.
spend time with your parents or enemies? parents. I enjoy my parents, mostly.
simple or complicated? complicated.
straight, gay or bisexual? bi.
tall or short? short/average
right handed or left handed? right
a lover of music or a lover of books? books
do you prefer
flowers or sweets? flowers as a present
grey or black? grey
color photos or black and white? colour
m&ms or skittles? skittles
staying up late or waking up early? staying up late, which makes my career choice a bit stupid
sun or moon? moon
winter or autumn? autumn, although they’re both super seasons.
10 acquaintances or 2 best friends? close friends are always better
rainy or sunny? rainy
vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? chocolate
vodka or jack? vodka
what time is it? 22.37
nicknames? my Dad calls me Tinkerbell - I am 24 years old. Also, ‘the mental’ after some rude comments about me on the internet
when is your birthday? valentine’s day
what do you want? short term: to win the council, long term: a flat and a dog
how many kids do you want? more than one, less than four.
want to get married? yes.
what kind of music do you like? songs about death. country. folk. other.
nervous habits? dermatillomania! and a few others.
are you double-jointed? nope.
can you roll your tongue? yep.
can you raise one eyebrow? teacher, innit.
can you cross your eyes? yes.
which shoe goes on first? no rules.
ever thrown something at someone? yes. but I’m so bad at throwing I’m not sure it counts.
on average, how much money do you carry with you? about £30.
what jewelry do you wear? watch, ring, labradorite necklace, earrings.
do you twirl or cut spaghetti? twirl. cutting is an abomination.
have you ever eaten spam? yes. do not want to repeat.
favorite ice cream? Phish Food.
how many kinds of cereal are in your cupboard? two or three - I don’t eat cereal.
can you cook? yes.
alcoholic beverage? wine on Sunday.
car ride? taxi home from work on Wednesday because I was too ill for the bus.
song played? Never Quite Free, the Mountain Goats
person you saw? Mum
time you cried? Wednesday. Throat pain.
fight? I don’t recall - probably with my brother when he was last home from University.